if you're bolder than the darkness

I think the scariest part is not even the idea of leaving. 


I think the scariest part is that nothing will ever be the same...again.


It's that when I come back it will be different. Not because things have changed overly much. I live in a town that has housed the same type of people for decades. It's not going to change just because I've left.


No, it's because I will have changed. 


The things that once upon a time was my normal, will be somehow alien. 


It will be a place of haunted memories. Good memories, but haunting just the same.


Its that I will long for the things to be as they were before but know in my heart that it never will be. That I'll know in my heart that I've changed too much for it to ever be the same, regardless. 


And I think that is the scariest part. 


It's that when I leave, this will never be my room again. This will never be a home that housed six of us. This will never be the place that I come to, after a long day, and lay my head. This will never be mine, 


because it slipped out of my fingers as I walked away to chase my dreams.


It will always be a home, but never our home. It will always be ours, but not ours to keep. It will always be there, but no longer a sanctuary. 


And I think that is the scariest part. 


It's that when we are all gone we will never be able to recreate what was. We will never be able to live as we did before. 


Time and experience will have made us different, able to long and appreciate the times we had, but never the same. 


It will be out of our reach. 


It will be too late to turn back.


And I think that is the scariest part.