Pinterest Inspiration // 12

1. @babeskills 2. Mark Appleton 3. Habitually Chic 4. @andicsinger 5. @lucidlines 6. Unknown

To say that this semester has been hard would be an understatement. 
Both personally and school-wise I do not think that I have ever been so drained. I am eternally grateful for friends that make it somehow more bearable.

There's something magical about this time of year in the city that makes my heart sing a little. The lights, the music, the hustle and bustle, gift-giving and decorations, it all just feels a little like a movie. But I have always been a romantic that way. 

I'm doing my best to try to soak all of it in, usually in-between study sessions and grocery runs (so romantic). 

I've been struggling with the notion of home lately. I think it is something that I have continually struggled with over my uni career, but it just seems as if some of the dynamics have shifted since then. It's not that unusual. Things change over time and I knew that. I guess I just thought they would change more on my own terms. But that's not really how things work is it?

I read a quote the other day that basically said, "we don't write to be understood, we write to understand" and I couldn't help but think that that perfectly sums up the feeling I get... It's somewhere in-between a tightening in my chest a sort of panicky restless feeling that only really goes away when I both feel like I understand what's been happening inside my head and when I feel like I've sufficiently wrote enough to be understood. But first and foremost it's for my own understanding. 

So if home is where the heart is I think I might be a little doomed. I don't know where my heart is half the time. It flickers back and forth between old and new, familiar and day-to-day, and I'm not sure if that makes me lost or just a wanderer. 

A wayfarer. 

It sounds romantic...I can assure you it's not all the time. 

It's exciting. It's displaced. It's comfortable and uncomfortable. It's content and unsatisfying. It's all these things separately and somehow all at once. 

What I do know is that this year has pretty much hit me with all that its got and I feel a little beaten down and a little exhausted and I'm not sure how much more I can take before things start to take a bitter turn as they are want to do. I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel here somewhere. Christmas break is near. But I'm starting to taste a bit of it's familiar acidity on my tongue. I'm trying to ignore it as best as I can and keep my head up. Mind over matter, you know? 

With that said here is a bit of inspiration for you, and me:

1. Hell yeah.
2. Doesn't London at Christmastime just sound wonderful to you?
3. The first snow.
4. I wish I could fill up my wrists with dainty bracelets, some pretty not-the-week-after-finals nails would be nice too.
5. Elegant? Dainty? Yes. Timeless? I don't know...I think I'd like to find out though.
6. Always a good idea.

I'm sitting here in a busy coffee shop reading about hyphens in The Copyeditor's Handbook and I realized ... I don't give a shit about hyphen's. Seems obvious, but if you knew how many exceptions and rules and preferences were bundled up in the use of a single small line I think you would understand. It might be bit of a surprise then that I am crap at grammar.  It frustrates me endlessly and is somehow -- however obvious -- a required or at least a preferable attribute for someone in the business of writing. And ironically it's made me write less as a result. 

Except right now as the author argues his case on compound adverbs and the different meaning between "too readily" and "too-readily" I realized that despite this insecurity of mine, I would much rather be writing right now then trying to process the plethora of rules in place for a simple line. And not something that will sit in my computers "Writing" folder that only ever gets seen by maybe two pairs of eyes, but something that I can publish on my little corner of the Internet. A corner that much to my dismay has been neglected for far too long. 

So hello again ... it's nice to see you. 

You're looking good. 

What have you been up to?

I have been -- besides sucking at grammar -- falling deeper and deeper in love with my program. 
The future is exciting. I can't wait to see what it holds for me. I've been thinking for awhile that if I'm ever going to make it I'm going to have to start practicing what I preach. And put in practice what I learn, although to be honest it's all been theory based thus far, but I guess I don't want it to be too late to start. 

So I guess here is me starting again. 

I don't know where that's going to take me. When I first started this four-and-a-half years ago I didn't really know what I was doing or who I wanted to be. And yet it's lead me to here and there's nowhere else I'd rather be. 

Let's see where this takes me.

Unfortunately, right now I'm going to have to go back to The Copy Editor's Handbook (clearly I learned nothing in the hyphen chapter or maybe I'm just trying to prove a point ... nah I'm actually just really bad at this) and learn about "... the most common headaches that arise in the area of capitalization."

They're not kidding about the headache. 

be my shelter and I will be your storm

In an ongoing journey of finding yourself, you always suspect there to be an end. That suddenly you will be faced with a version of yourself that is somehow wholly yours and wholly you. I don’t think that that is true, or ever could be. 

I did not think it could ever be possible to grow any more than I did in my first year of university. But I was so very wrong. I had a lot still to learn. 

For one thing I had to learn how to be fully independent and figure things out for myself. Transferring to a new school was not only beneficial program-wise, but an important step in growing. I was for the first time in my life, in a situation where I was completely by myself. And I had to figure things out by myself. And I had to learn a lot of things about that too. 

I had to learn how to be happy. 

That was the hardest lesson of all. I had to learn how to be happy. Not just happy with myself, but happy with everything. It’s true what they say, you know? About treating everything like it is an adventure. Like going to the grocery store to get toilet paper is something worth making into a big deal. Because maybe you couldn’t get yourself out of bed past 12. And maybe you had to make yourself eat something. And maybe that was the only reason for you to get dressed. But it is something. 

Realizing that whether you stay in bed all day miserable or get up and go get toilet paper and be happy, are things that are totally in your control. And I didn’t want to stay in bed all day miserable anymore. Once I learned, at least the beginning, of how to be happy, it was so much easier to find a home and to find my place here. 

And I’ve learned that good and bad things come in waves. 

We have to lean on each other and we have to take turns. If you’ve found your person, like I have, this part becomes a whole lot easier. You learn how to be equally part vulnerable and strong. You learn when to break and when to be supportive. Because they are the only person who can just look at you and really see you. See everything and not want to change anything. See everything and know exactly how you're doing and what to do. 

Somedays they will need you and you will be there. And somedays you will need them, and they will be there for you too. But it’s important never to take them for granted. Because good and bad things come in waves.

And I’ve learned that life happens. 

One of the hardest things is being here and not having time, because life happens. You just have to make good the time that you have. And sometimes things don’t work out and things fall through. But there will be other days. 

And I continue to learn that if I’m bolder than the darkness I will continue to learn how to be more and more independent. And I will continue to learn how to be happy. And I will continue to learn that sometimes you will be someone’s shelter and they will be your storm. And I will continue to learn that sometimes life just happens. 

What I know for sure, though, is that down these roads that wander as lost as our hearts, we’ll find ourselves. It won’t be a means to an end, but a journey of forever finding ourselves. And we will learn. 

And I will never forget the plans and the silhouettes you drew here...

How do you extract yourself from somewhere dark? How do you manage to tell yourself that everything will be okay? That despite the uncertainty and the monotony, that it'll be fine. 
How do you stop yourself from moping? How do you enjoy yourself when things don't go as planned? That despite the busyness and not being able to see the friends that make you the happiest, you go on. 

You just do. And it's hard. And it's a daily and momental choice. A choice to be happy, to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to choose to be what you want your situation to look like. To shape your circumstances and make the most of it. 

These last few weeks of school are going to be so busy. It's hard to imagine that we only have 16 more days left. September was yesterday, but it was also decades ago. I can see the person I was then and the person I am now, and they are light years apart. I would hardly recognize myself. I wouldn't take the late nights, the multitude of exams and essays, the Starbuck's runs, the afternoon adventures, the laughs, the cries, not anything back, to be that person again. Because I think I like whom I'm becoming. And I have experienced nothing but growth these past seven months. 

"And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter -- they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long."

I think sometimes things take you by surprise. And you catch yourself as you're pouring out your soul. And you catch yourself as you give them a piece of yourself. And there are several moments in the coming weeks where you get a little panicky because you don't know if you'll be able to go on without it. And there are so many hard moments, and really really good moments. And memories that will last a lifetime. And somehow the uncertainty of the future has disappeared and you're just living in the moment -- with them. 

And that is what I can take with me from this year. All of those times. With her. Because I will never forget the plans and the silhouettes you drew here.

And yes these coming weeks will be a whirlwind, and time will not be on our side, but it's a comfort to know that we did have these times and that we are only nineteen and that the summer is only four months and that next year will just be around the corner...

A Little Bit More About Me...

Despite the fact that I have two essays to write and two midterms to be studying for, I could not resist the urge to write. Just for the sake of writing. Awhile back Bonjour Luce, did a post similar to this that I was myself inspired to do. So here is a little bit more about me...

City or Countryside? Countryside girl most days, City girl the rest of the time ;)
Cats or Dogs? No question. Dogs!
Sweet or Savoury? Sweet
Dresses or Jeans? Dresses
Heels or Flats? Flats
Beyonce or Taylor Swift? Taylor Swift
Tea or Coffee? Tea
Night or Morning? Night Owl
Summer or Winter? Fall!
Books or Magazines? Books

What is your favourite...?
City? Paris
Blogger? Meg Fee 
Movie? Pride & Prejudice (2005)
TV Show? Downton Abbey or New Girl
Nail Polish? Essie's 'Skirting the Issue'
Lipstick? Red!
Colour? To wear, Navy
Meal? Pancakes for supper!
Actor/Actress? Jennifer Lawrence and Felicity Jones
Singer Songwriter? Ben Howard and/or Andrew Belle
Band? Mumford & Sons
Weekend haunt? Strathcona Market and Whyte Ave. 
Year? Can I say this year? Because my 19th year has been pretty great so far!

What accomplishment are you most proud of?
I would say that I am most proud of my blog. Most of my posts I have put in so much time and effort into and poured my soul and creativity into. I love seeing how much I have grown as a person through this blog and how far I have come with my writing and my photography. It's been something that I can rely on to get me through a lot of hard times and stages in my life. Writing is so therapeutic and this blog has in a sense given me reason and motivation to write and to write some things that I am proud of.  

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Have I grown up already? I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. When I was in elementary I remember there was three things that I would list, Psychologist, Baker and Interior Decorator! Quite the spectrum haha

What are some things that scare you?
Right now, the future scares me. I don't know what I am doing or where it's taking me or where I want to go -- and that's scary. The future has always been somewhat scary as I've grown up, I think now more than ever however, I feel like I am supposed to be grown up and know what I am doing... and I really don't! When I was a kid though, dark hallways or staircases! Especially the staircase in my grandma's house haha

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
I am very much an introvert. There are only certain people in my life where I don't feel physically exhausted and drained from spending an extended period of time with them. I can be a pretty good mix of both though I think. 

What is your favourite thing about University?
I am in the beginning of my second semester and Uni has been good to me. My school is so small so the connection with your classmates and your professors are unparalleled to larger Universities. School-wise I love learning in general but one of my favourite subjects that has opened up my mind is Sociology. I love being able to stretch the way I think and realizing some of the influences of society on us as individuals has done just that. Also being an English junkie I love analyzing and discussing the literature that we read! One of my favourite things that's not school related is having adventures. I am lucky to have met some amazing people here and I can say one of my closest and dearest friend shares a love for adventures and photography. I love getting lost with her, it is always a good time! We took the pictures above on a little walk in the river valley by our campus right before a pizza/movie night! It was the perfect end to the week <3

H A P P Y * N E W * Y E A R

"But hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering 'it will be happier'..." 

~ Alfred Tennyson

We gather around loved ones and friends celebrating the passing year -- all of it's laughs, milestones, heartache, and fear -- and hope for the year to come to be happier. 

So many good and hard things this year. So many new experiences and dreams accomplished. And I am so grateful for all of these opportunities! 

This year I went to Europe for the first time, gazed at the Eiffel Tower, walked along the Thames, wandered through the winding roads of the Lake District and saw the sea for the very first time amoung the sand dunes on England's southern coast.

I moved away from home to go to school in the city, met some amazing people, went on loads of adventures, discovered a little bit more of myself and what a friend could be.

Each new experience has widened my horizons and increased my dreams. Even though it might not have steered me in a clear direction, I'm a little bit more made whole by it. 

Twenty-fourteen was good for me. 

Heres to the New Year!

IN THE ENDING...

It's started with nervous smiles and pounding hearts, fumbled textbooks and perfectly set up rooms, awkward first encounters and quiet classrooms.

It's been almost 14 wks. 

"The best advice I've ever received is, 'No one else knows what they're doing either." ~ Ricky Gervais

When it seems like everyone knows each other, everyone has their routine down, it's intimidating. For the first couple of weeks I had to remind myself that this was not the case. We're all just pretending. We're all just pretending to keep it together, to create an environment that we want to live in. 

I was so lucky to be able to find a friend that I connected with almost instantaneously.

The first time I met her I was terrified. I was enveloped in my own insecurities. And it seemed like she had it all together. Like she was someone who just knew who she was and that was intimidating for someone who felt like I did not have it all together.

I am being completely honest when I say that she is the best thing that has happened to me this first semester of my University experience. And I know that I am a better version of myself just in knowing her.

I think we both opened up a little bit more than we expected the first real talk we ever had. We took a lot of walks and wanders down in the river valley that fall. A lot of adventures downtown Edmonton. A lot of jam-sessions laying on the grass on campus or relaxing in Teg. A lot more talks. A lot more dreaming.

It's safe to say she is one of my favourites! I'm so thankful for her support and friendship.

One of the things about being an overly stressed out child -- who frankly gave herself panic attacks on the regular -- living in a household with a psychologist as a father and a mother who was always there to comfort you. You learn how to cope efficiently with a high amount of stress, even if most of it was self-induced. And know that it was just self-induced.

I think what I'm getting at here is that I was surprised how calm I was in situations that would have stressed me to the max when I was younger.

I learned to do everything in my power to do well and learn to know it was enough. And that doing my best was enough.

And I am so happy that University has been good to me. It's going to be so different next semester and it makes me equally as scared as I was at the beginning of this one. It's startling to find yourself so comfortable in a situation and have it upended from one moment to the next. 

Change is scary. Getting comfortable is hard. I hope I can get comfortable in a new normal in this next stage of University as fast as I did in the first. 

But now in this moment I am being fired at by a squad of professors -- in the form of Finals. And I am so ready for this Christmas break. 

Even though after all this time I am only a little bit closer to figuring out who I am. Even though I'm not any closer at figuring out who I want to be. 

I think I like who I am becoming. 

And in the ending, there is nervous laughter and pounding hearts, 

papers strewn across desks and terms floating around aimlessly in your head, 

sad goodbyes 

and quiet classrooms.

Pinterest Inspiration // 10

1.  Unknown 2. The Virtual Typewriter 3. Wide Eyed Legless 4. Purl Soho 5. Steve Madden 6. The Vanilla Bean Blog

1. The ultimate minimal, chill outfit and somehow still appearing stylish.

2. "I will learn to love the skies I'm under." Mumford & Sons need to bring out a new album a.s.a.p.!!

3. A cute mini low bun -- #hairgoals

4. I am starting to crochet a white and black scarf using People Webs pattern...I'm starting to wish I had this colour though.

5. I have yet to pick up a pair of boots for winter... I have been wearing flats or else my ever trusty moccasin booties. The snow will be upon us any second now and I should really be prepared. This Steve Madden pair is definitely on my wishlist!

6. Can we just appreciate the oozing chocolate from this perfectly presented chocolate cake...mhmmm...

* * *

School has been such a learning curve so far, I've figured that university is where you discover you suck at what you always thought you were good at, I'm hoping this is just a product of being out of practice. Hopefully I will do better for this next set of essays that are coming due all too fast. 

On another note if you haven't already checked out Ben Howard's new album "I Forget Where We Were," I would strongly advise you to do so at your earliest convenience, Ben has a knack for such poetical and soothing lyrics and songs, it's been on repeat almost everyday the past couple of weeks. 

Also Taylor Swift. (Don't judge.) 

All I need's a whisper...

^^ Exploring the neighbourhood ^^

^^ Strathcona Farmers Market ^^

^^ Muttart Conservatory ^^

^^ William Hawrelak Park ^^

Fall has come, softly, with only one snow scare. These pictures mark my first month of University. And it was a good one. The calm before the storm. Suddenly homework and studying have slowed down these little escapes. Soon snow and the threat of final exams will keep us holed in, dawning oversized "Thunder-wear", sipping tea with a side of Chicago Mix. 

I am so anxious to be getting home for Thanksgiving. I've had so many reasons to be happy and inspired and challenged this past month and a half, but I am so ready to go home. I need a chance to revitalize and recharge. I need to eat a meal that doesn't consist of bagels with a side of fruit. And I miss my family. Winter will be coming in like a lion before we know it and I have to be ready for it. 

I feel at home in the city when I am out going on these excursions with my friends, taking pictures and taking things as they come, being adventurous. I also feel slightly disconcerted thinking about my place in school and my studies. I love my courses but I don't feel like I could ever take them anywhere. I want to know so badly what I am supposed to be doing in this life. I want to so badly have some sort of direction. 

All I need's a whisper...

Goodbye England xoxo

My final week in England was spent in Rye, we were able to take day trips to a couple of places along the coast via the train or bus, so we ended up going to Camber Sands, Brighton, and Dover.

 The third week of the trip was definitely kind of hard because I was already feeling a little homesick, but I have a lot of fond memories of this  last week, so without further ado, here are the last of my pictures in Europe:

^^ I cannot reiterate how cute this man was; every evening or morning he would come out and spend at least 15 min. on each window box, cutting off the dead ends of his flowers and general pruning. ^^

^^ Rye ^^

^^ We spent one day at Camber Sands during our week, and it was particularly special to me because it was the first time that I have seen the sea in real life!! *technically it was the English Channel but close enough ^^

^^ Camber Sands ^^

^^ The second time we visited the sea was at Brighton, we spent an afternoon there, just wandering around sitting out on the pebbly beach and soaking up the sun as it peaked out from the clouds. ^^

^^ Dover and St. Margaret's Bay ^^

We stayed at this really cute house in the centre of Rye, a medieval port town, that is filled with history. Our landlord, on the first day, introduced us to The Cobbles Tearoom and we ate there almost every single day. A full afternoon tea would include basically a whole lot of carbs, but more specifically, a cucumber sandwich, two hot scones with clotted cream and jam, as well as a huge slice of carrot cake! I can't even...I really want that carrot cake right now...

***

Since the last you've heard from me I've moved from home to Edmonton, four hours away, and am now attending University here. It's been a crazy couple of weeks, but I think I am some what settled -- ready for home and pumpkin pie though!! It's been quite the shock, both going back to school and moving out of my comfort zone and away from home at a new school. I currently have three essays due within the next couple of weeks and it's been a bit hectic/stressful trying to find the energy and thought for that. I am enrolled in English, Sociology, History, Pre-Calculus and Religion, so it is going to get busy really soon when mid-terms start coming into play...anyhow wish me luck!!

xoxo