HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY

I’m surprised more than anything that this has happened so quickly. Five years ago I was 16, I’m pretty sure I had braces and thick black square glasses, I didn’t have a phone or a plan for any of this, just a camera and the drive to make something tangible. 

I still write and write often, and even if not all of it ends up on here, these essays that mark the passage of time are something that I know I will cherish. A small little window into the inner workings of my mind, and all of the lessons and all of the changes that have happened since my eleventh year of high school. 

If the next five years bears any resemblance to the last I know that I have not got a clue what is in store for me. That I can plan and hope and prepare, but this life is not predictable and at any moment there could be a new bend in the road. For now I am happy being here and soaking up all the lessons and experiences I can while in this moment. 

I honestly feel like somehow this marks a new chapter with these five years done and gone. Maybe it’s all of the change and new strides I’ve taken in the couple months of this year alone, but it feels a bit like a new beginning. And in the grand scheme of things, in building this life, there will be hard lessons learned in these next five years too, but I do know that the last five years has prepared in me someone who is fully capable of tackling whatever should come my way. 

T W E N T Y

Twenty seems like a monumental age. Like some sort of invisible line you have finally crossed. Twenty-somethings are pulled together. They know what they are doing and what they want. 

It’s kind of disappointing really.

Here I have crossed this line and I still struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I still struggle just to be okay. And somehow that doesn’t seem like I have things pulled together or that I know what I am doing or what I want. And to be honest I really really don’t. 

And that’s kind of scary. 

Life doesn’t work out as planned. It’ doesn’t fit the checklist that you made when you were twelve. It doesn’t fall into place. Not in my experience. 

Life is messy. Life has 2 a.m. nights full of tears. Life has days where you can’t get out of bed. Life doesn’t always feel right. It doesn’t always feel like everything is okay. It doesn’t always feel like it’s worth putting on that smile. Or worth approaching that person. 

And I think I’ve learned that it is okay to not be okay. I think I’ve learned that it’s only me who can put that smile on my face. It’s only me who can take that step out of bed. 

And sometimes that is really really hard. And sometimes I can’t do it everyday. 

But that’s okay.

I don’t think twenty-something’s have it all figured. I don’t think that some people are just better at living than I am. I think sometimes it’s just easy to disguise what we are really going through. And sometimes that can go a lot deeper than anyone can ever imagine or surmise. 

So at only twenty years of age I think I can safely say that I think I’ve figured out how to get by. 

And for right now, that will have to be enough. 

The Terrible Two's

This is the second anniversary of my blog, I wrote my very first post on this very same day in 2012.

In someways it feels like I have been blogging for at least 4 yrs and in others it feels like I just started. I remember mulling over having my blog, what I would name it, what content would be on it, how it would look like etc. months before I actually had the courage to ask if I could make one.

It seems so silly now, I was somehow afraid to ask for this little space on the internet, despite the fact that my mom had had a blog for a couple years before this. When I finally did, we took care to make this as permanent a space as we could. Having my URL be my first and middle name respectively took into account that I may not have the name "BLUSH by a Lady" forever -- it left room to grow and change. Also not including my last name might have been wishful thinking, that I might continue this until I am married or simply that I may ever get married! 

I know I had a list of words that I liked the sound of and reflected my personality at that time, including, Peony, Blush, Petal and by a Lady. The first three I just thought of and the fourth I came across as I was flipping through the pages of Pride and Prejudice -- as you do -- and kind-of rediscovered the fact that she wrote under the pseudonym, By a Lady. It struck a cord with me and I decided to pair Blush with the sort-of-subtitle by a Lady added to it. 

This space has given me a place to somehow share and put into words what I am feeling, doing or making. It's definitely given me a chance to exercise my writing "muscles" and keep me on-top-of-my-game so to speak. 

It's also given me a chance to explore new avenues that I might never have picked up, like photography or videography. 

I've discovered so many amazing writers and fashionistas and DIYers through my journey on this blog. I started out by bookmarking perhaps five or so blogs, including people webs, and Anne Catherine Frey, to following dozens of bloggers that inspire me creatively as well as in life. 

I know I will forever hold a debt to this place that I call my own, it's helped my grow into the person that I am today and given me a chance to express myself because I never was good at expressing myself verbally. 

On another note, I made shortbread the other day. I love shortbread. It is the perfect cookie, both subtly sweet and buttery, melting-in-your-mouth delicious. Sometimes you just get a craving for the simplicity of a good English Shortbread and a cup of tea. The cookie cutter used to make these diamond shaped lovelies was my great-grandma's on my mother's side -- Nanny. 

I used the recipe found in my Butter recipe book given to me by my Auntie Amy. It really is the cutest little book and the most fairytale-esque story of the beginnings of a very humble and homemade independent bakery in Vancouver. 

***

I hope that this next year for my blog I will reach new heights in my writing, I will grow and it will grow with me, and I will stay true to myself and perhaps most of all that it won't be quite so terrible ;) Here's to another year!

Happy 2nd Birthday BLUSH by a Lady! xoxo

E i g h t e e n

Last week was my eighteenth birthday.

It's weird, everyone asking how it feels like being legal now and everything, and I just think, not that different actually, I've been working my way and growing into eighteen since the day I turned seventeen. 

It's gradual. 

It's not like suddenly when you wake up on the morning of your birthday your a year older. Anyway it was quite quiet I suppose for an eighteenth birthday party, just some family gathered to eat cake and have tea. 

I've never been one to like birthday parties. An introvert at heart, birthday's are just a whole lot of unordinary attention. 

Other than that I must confess the view from where I sit has been rather grey. Work has occupied my days and catching up on my social media has taken up my evenings! It's been rather sad no doubt! 

I can't wait for this stage in my life to be over and yet I dread moving on. I long for all the freedom and experiences of travel and building my own life, but I'm scared. 

I hope this year I can regroup and really focus on my intentions, for after all nothing worth having comes easily, at some point you just need to take a leap of faith.

When I started High School my future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road. I thought I could see it for miles. 

Now there is a bend in it. 

I don't know what lies around the bend, but I'm going to believe that the best does.

A Birthday Cake

I saw this cake on Pinterest a while back and have always wanted to recreate it and I finally did on Mother's Day. It turned out amazingly and was such a light summery cake that when my mom's birthday came along we decided to make it again. I assembled the cake at my grandmas house on Mother's Day and forgot my camera and iPod so I wasn't able to take a picture of it, but this time I made sure to take get some good shots. I remember reading the recipe and getting the gyst of what was required for it and took it from there.
First you will need a really good/trusty sponge cake, the recipe I used was a double batch of the Lazy Daisy cake found in the Company's coming Cake recipe book. Poured into a 13" spring form pan and cut into three layers, I brushed each layer with a generous amount of simple syrup (equal parts sugar to water warmed up for a couple minutes in the microwave). I learned in my Sugar Baby recipe book by Gesine Bullock-Prado that bakeries brush simple syrup on all their cakes to help keep them moist! I would suggest letting that sit for a couple of hours (or overnight properly sealed up) so that it gets a chance to soak right through. The end result of the cake ends up being layers that consist of cake --fresh raspberry jam (for its tartness -- store bought black currant would be a good alternative) --whipped cream -- chopped pistachios -- blackberries (placed strategically around the edge so you can see them peeking through) -- and repeat for all three layers. For the top and around the edges I even sprinkled some purple rose petals on the one I made for Mother's Day.

I've also found that if you let the cake settle for a couple of hours before you cut it, it is much much easier -- this one was assembled before supper and eaten right after and it was quite the mess trying to get the pieces onto plates, the one we had for Mother's Day however was a breeze to cut but, it was sitting for awhile before we ate it.

This past week went by so fast I can't even believe it! I received my iPad mini on Monday which got me very excited to be able to be back on Instagram and twitter again - my iPod crapped out on me (it had gone through so much in the nearly 3 years I had it that it just had enough)! Anyways so that's one reason I kind of went MIA on the Internet the other is pure laziness I guess.
We have had quite the summer here, a mix of really warm muggy days and a generous amount of rain! I keep thinking I need to take a picture of the beautiful canola fields that surround our acreage before they are done flowering. They have been especially brilliant the past couple weeks it's been sunny with a few dark rain clouds so everything looks sort of gloomy but the sun shining on the fields makes the canola look as if it is glowing neon yellow -- quite the contrast to the dark grey sky! Perhaps that will be in my next post...
I hope everyone has a wonderful rest of the week and let me know if you try out the cake!

P.S. The blackberry-pistachio cupcakes I featured on here a couple of weeks ago was the cupcake version inspired by this cake!

One Year Today :)

It's been quite the week (or two), I was sick and missed a week of school (fun times!) and have been trying to catch up since then. But guess what? If you haven't already guessed by the GIF above (I'm really proud of that GIF by the way) a year ago today I wrote my first post for a blog I had been thinking about and creating in my mind for awhile prior to that day and I've never looked back! I had been following various blogs before I started this journey but it has since grown and I feel happy to be apart of this community. It feels good to be able to do something creative with my free time that I know people can enjoy at the same time. This blog has expanded my knowledge of photography and helped me keep up with and improve my writing. It's exciting to think of the coming years and the things I will learn and the people I will meet :)

So lets just feast on this cocunut cupcake to celebrate!!

Seventeen

"It was November  -- the month of crimson sunsets parting birds, deep, sad hymns of the sea, passionate wind songs in the pines. Anne roamed through the pineland alleys in the park and, as she said, let that great wind blow the fogs out of her soul."

~ L.M. Montgomery

It was my Seventeenth Birthday yesterday and besides being sick it was really nice :)

I went to school despite feeling terrible but I didn't last long, I left soon after 12 and had a long nap at my Grandparents house! Not really what I expected to do on my Birthday but all in all it was wonderful day. I actually have the pleasure of having the same birthday as my Auntie Jaye who spent hers in Maui (so jealous)!! The temperature dropped to minus 30 the other day which was quite the shock and then proceeded to be plus 4-6 this weekend -- that's Canadian weather for you.

For supper I had my grandparents and my cousin Bretley as well as her husband Martin come over and after a dinner of turkey, salads and french bread we had the amazing chocolate cake! It's taken from one of the recipes in Jan Karon's Mitford series, Lew Boyd's Chocolate Cake and it is seriously CHOCOLATE. I think my mom said there is something like a pound of dark chocolate in the icing alone! Apparently my mom had made it before when we were younger but it was too much for us then -- I think our taste buds have matured a bit since then!

I was lucky enough to get a FujiFilm instant camera 210 from my parents as a gift! I can't wait to experiment with a film camera! I also got a spritz cookie press and a stainless steel pastry bag with assorted tips from my grandparents -- first thing I'm going to make, french macaroons, they've been on my top baking to do list for a long time. I also got some lovely cards from a variety of friends and family. Thank you to all of you who got me something for my Birthday :) it did not go unappreciated.

Tonight my friend Jadin is hosting a Halloween party slash Birthday party for me with some of our girlfriends at school. I'm expecting there will be a lot of giggling and movie watching!

Anyway, I hope you have an amazing rest of the weekend :)