HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY

I’m surprised more than anything that this has happened so quickly. Five years ago I was 16, I’m pretty sure I had braces and thick black square glasses, I didn’t have a phone or a plan for any of this, just a camera and the drive to make something tangible. 

I still write and write often, and even if not all of it ends up on here, these essays that mark the passage of time are something that I know I will cherish. A small little window into the inner workings of my mind, and all of the lessons and all of the changes that have happened since my eleventh year of high school. 

If the next five years bears any resemblance to the last I know that I have not got a clue what is in store for me. That I can plan and hope and prepare, but this life is not predictable and at any moment there could be a new bend in the road. For now I am happy being here and soaking up all the lessons and experiences I can while in this moment. 

I honestly feel like somehow this marks a new chapter with these five years done and gone. Maybe it’s all of the change and new strides I’ve taken in the couple months of this year alone, but it feels a bit like a new beginning. And in the grand scheme of things, in building this life, there will be hard lessons learned in these next five years too, but I do know that the last five years has prepared in me someone who is fully capable of tackling whatever should come my way. 

Oh the things you will do

One of the most exhilarating things about growing older is doing things you know would have scared you to death when you were younger. Or 2 years ago. Or 3 months ago. 

Not only knowing that you CAN do them but that you're actually pretty freaking capable of doing them. And that you're actually that much closer to being a real freaking adult. 

This semester has been one of so many firsts. One of so many moments where I decided I must go on despite my fears. 

For someone who's struggled with anxiety and depression doing even small things like getting out of bed and eating and showing up makes the things that are really only small things to other people like going to the school gym or doing that presentation or going to that interview, seem like really big accomplishments. And to know that you're capable of not only getting up, eating and showing up, but all these other things too? Priceless. To know that you are capable of so much more than your little mind as it lays through mornings of doubts and of deep lows could ever comprehend, is just so comforting. 

That someone who is frozen in fear and enveloped in the thoughts of all she cannot do, can in fact do a whole freaking whack-load of amazing and exhilarating things? That's pretty cool. That's almost adult-like there my friends. 

And sometimes you surprise yourself with fearlessness and sometimes you must continue on despite your fear. However, it doesn't ever diminish what little you did accomplish because the difference is you could not do that yesterday. So that moment of exhilaration and of completion and satisfaction is so so worth a little celebrating. 

So let's celebrate. Celebrate small accomplishments, fearlessness, courage in the face of fear and the art of becoming who we're supposed to be. Because that's all growing older really is, isn't it? 

YIN & YANG

And then I just need a hug Not so you can hold me together, I'm pretty good at that myself now Not so I can talk about it, I was never really good at talking But to tell you In a shaky embrace, that my heart's bleeding.

And it was at that moment, Where thoughts of time & tomorrow flickered excitedly behind closed lids And any chance of rest was vainly sought. Life was good.

17 things for

2. My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness.  | Maya Angelou

3. Never be afraid to raise your voice for honest and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world would do this, it would change the Earth.  | William Faulkner

4. No, is a full sentence.

5. You shouldn't try to stop everything from happening. Sometimes you're supposed to feel awkward. Sometimes you're supposed to be vulnerable in front of people. Sometimes it's necessary because it's all part of you getting to the next part of yourself, the next day.  | Cecelia Ahem

6. When the world and your mind tells you to settle, you stand up an yell "I am worth more than a timeline!" Because beauty is found in every season, and one does not demand the flowers to bloom until spring has begun...Wait and grow, the sun will come in due time, and you will bloom and show the world your worth.  | T.B. LaBerge

7. If it is both terrifying and amazing then you should definitely pursue it.  | erada

8. Hardships often prepare ordinary people, for an extraordinary destiny...  | C.S. Lewis

9. Sometimes it's okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.

10. It is not easy...to wait. Waiting is what the hunter does, and the poet and the slugger. He waits for the moment of inevitability and fate and then he swings, or shoots, or takes up the pen to put down a line. They don't teach us to wait in America; they teach us to grab. But waiting is what we do when we are looking for something beautiful, when we are looking for an end to our sorrow. Nothing is infinite in life, not even sorrow.  | Cary Tennis

11. You won't do it at the right time. You'll be late. You'll be early. You'll get re-routed. You'll get delayed. You'll change your mind. You'll change your heart. It's not going to turn out the way you thought it would. It will be better.  | Kate Moller

12. Exist on your own terms.

13. Accept yourself. Love yourself just as you are. Your finest work, your best movements, your joy, peace, and healing come when you love yourself. You give a great gift to the world when you do that. You give others permission to do the same: to love themselves. Revel in self love. Roll in it. Bask in it, as you would the sunshine.  | Melodie Beattie

14. You are entirely up to you.

15. Sometimes, I need only to stand wherever I am to be blessed.  | Mary Oliver

16. Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.  | C.S. Lewis

17. Write it in your heart that everyday is the best day of the year.

*  *  *

Remembering these things as we walk across the threshold of the old year and welcome in the new -- here is to 2017 and all that it will bring

Pinterest Inspiration // 12

1. @babeskills 2. Mark Appleton 3. Habitually Chic 4. @andicsinger 5. @lucidlines 6. Unknown

To say that this semester has been hard would be an understatement. 
Both personally and school-wise I do not think that I have ever been so drained. I am eternally grateful for friends that make it somehow more bearable.

There's something magical about this time of year in the city that makes my heart sing a little. The lights, the music, the hustle and bustle, gift-giving and decorations, it all just feels a little like a movie. But I have always been a romantic that way. 

I'm doing my best to try to soak all of it in, usually in-between study sessions and grocery runs (so romantic). 

I've been struggling with the notion of home lately. I think it is something that I have continually struggled with over my uni career, but it just seems as if some of the dynamics have shifted since then. It's not that unusual. Things change over time and I knew that. I guess I just thought they would change more on my own terms. But that's not really how things work is it?

I read a quote the other day that basically said, "we don't write to be understood, we write to understand" and I couldn't help but think that that perfectly sums up the feeling I get... It's somewhere in-between a tightening in my chest a sort of panicky restless feeling that only really goes away when I both feel like I understand what's been happening inside my head and when I feel like I've sufficiently wrote enough to be understood. But first and foremost it's for my own understanding. 

So if home is where the heart is I think I might be a little doomed. I don't know where my heart is half the time. It flickers back and forth between old and new, familiar and day-to-day, and I'm not sure if that makes me lost or just a wanderer. 

A wayfarer. 

It sounds romantic...I can assure you it's not all the time. 

It's exciting. It's displaced. It's comfortable and uncomfortable. It's content and unsatisfying. It's all these things separately and somehow all at once. 

What I do know is that this year has pretty much hit me with all that its got and I feel a little beaten down and a little exhausted and I'm not sure how much more I can take before things start to take a bitter turn as they are want to do. I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel here somewhere. Christmas break is near. But I'm starting to taste a bit of it's familiar acidity on my tongue. I'm trying to ignore it as best as I can and keep my head up. Mind over matter, you know? 

With that said here is a bit of inspiration for you, and me:

1. Hell yeah.
2. Doesn't London at Christmastime just sound wonderful to you?
3. The first snow.
4. I wish I could fill up my wrists with dainty bracelets, some pretty not-the-week-after-finals nails would be nice too.
5. Elegant? Dainty? Yes. Timeless? I don't know...I think I'd like to find out though.
6. Always a good idea.

I'm sitting here in a busy coffee shop reading about hyphens in The Copyeditor's Handbook and I realized ... I don't give a shit about hyphen's. Seems obvious, but if you knew how many exceptions and rules and preferences were bundled up in the use of a single small line I think you would understand. It might be bit of a surprise then that I am crap at grammar.  It frustrates me endlessly and is somehow -- however obvious -- a required or at least a preferable attribute for someone in the business of writing. And ironically it's made me write less as a result. 

Except right now as the author argues his case on compound adverbs and the different meaning between "too readily" and "too-readily" I realized that despite this insecurity of mine, I would much rather be writing right now then trying to process the plethora of rules in place for a simple line. And not something that will sit in my computers "Writing" folder that only ever gets seen by maybe two pairs of eyes, but something that I can publish on my little corner of the Internet. A corner that much to my dismay has been neglected for far too long. 

So hello again ... it's nice to see you. 

You're looking good. 

What have you been up to?

I have been -- besides sucking at grammar -- falling deeper and deeper in love with my program. 
The future is exciting. I can't wait to see what it holds for me. I've been thinking for awhile that if I'm ever going to make it I'm going to have to start practicing what I preach. And put in practice what I learn, although to be honest it's all been theory based thus far, but I guess I don't want it to be too late to start. 

So I guess here is me starting again. 

I don't know where that's going to take me. When I first started this four-and-a-half years ago I didn't really know what I was doing or who I wanted to be. And yet it's lead me to here and there's nowhere else I'd rather be. 

Let's see where this takes me.

Unfortunately, right now I'm going to have to go back to The Copy Editor's Handbook (clearly I learned nothing in the hyphen chapter or maybe I'm just trying to prove a point ... nah I'm actually just really bad at this) and learn about "... the most common headaches that arise in the area of capitalization."

They're not kidding about the headache. 

be my shelter and I will be your storm

In an ongoing journey of finding yourself, you always suspect there to be an end. That suddenly you will be faced with a version of yourself that is somehow wholly yours and wholly you. I don’t think that that is true, or ever could be. 

I did not think it could ever be possible to grow any more than I did in my first year of university. But I was so very wrong. I had a lot still to learn. 

For one thing I had to learn how to be fully independent and figure things out for myself. Transferring to a new school was not only beneficial program-wise, but an important step in growing. I was for the first time in my life, in a situation where I was completely by myself. And I had to figure things out by myself. And I had to learn a lot of things about that too. 

I had to learn how to be happy. 

That was the hardest lesson of all. I had to learn how to be happy. Not just happy with myself, but happy with everything. It’s true what they say, you know? About treating everything like it is an adventure. Like going to the grocery store to get toilet paper is something worth making into a big deal. Because maybe you couldn’t get yourself out of bed past 12. And maybe you had to make yourself eat something. And maybe that was the only reason for you to get dressed. But it is something. 

Realizing that whether you stay in bed all day miserable or get up and go get toilet paper and be happy, are things that are totally in your control. And I didn’t want to stay in bed all day miserable anymore. Once I learned, at least the beginning, of how to be happy, it was so much easier to find a home and to find my place here. 

And I’ve learned that good and bad things come in waves. 

We have to lean on each other and we have to take turns. If you’ve found your person, like I have, this part becomes a whole lot easier. You learn how to be equally part vulnerable and strong. You learn when to break and when to be supportive. Because they are the only person who can just look at you and really see you. See everything and not want to change anything. See everything and know exactly how you're doing and what to do. 

Somedays they will need you and you will be there. And somedays you will need them, and they will be there for you too. But it’s important never to take them for granted. Because good and bad things come in waves.

And I’ve learned that life happens. 

One of the hardest things is being here and not having time, because life happens. You just have to make good the time that you have. And sometimes things don’t work out and things fall through. But there will be other days. 

And I continue to learn that if I’m bolder than the darkness I will continue to learn how to be more and more independent. And I will continue to learn how to be happy. And I will continue to learn that sometimes you will be someone’s shelter and they will be your storm. And I will continue to learn that sometimes life just happens. 

What I know for sure, though, is that down these roads that wander as lost as our hearts, we’ll find ourselves. It won’t be a means to an end, but a journey of forever finding ourselves. And we will learn. 

T W E N T Y

Twenty seems like a monumental age. Like some sort of invisible line you have finally crossed. Twenty-somethings are pulled together. They know what they are doing and what they want. 

It’s kind of disappointing really.

Here I have crossed this line and I still struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I still struggle just to be okay. And somehow that doesn’t seem like I have things pulled together or that I know what I am doing or what I want. And to be honest I really really don’t. 

And that’s kind of scary. 

Life doesn’t work out as planned. It’ doesn’t fit the checklist that you made when you were twelve. It doesn’t fall into place. Not in my experience. 

Life is messy. Life has 2 a.m. nights full of tears. Life has days where you can’t get out of bed. Life doesn’t always feel right. It doesn’t always feel like everything is okay. It doesn’t always feel like it’s worth putting on that smile. Or worth approaching that person. 

And I think I’ve learned that it is okay to not be okay. I think I’ve learned that it’s only me who can put that smile on my face. It’s only me who can take that step out of bed. 

And sometimes that is really really hard. And sometimes I can’t do it everyday. 

But that’s okay.

I don’t think twenty-something’s have it all figured. I don’t think that some people are just better at living than I am. I think sometimes it’s just easy to disguise what we are really going through. And sometimes that can go a lot deeper than anyone can ever imagine or surmise. 

So at only twenty years of age I think I can safely say that I think I’ve figured out how to get by. 

And for right now, that will have to be enough. 

This is a problem.

I can't lie sometimes I am enveloped in all the things I cannot do. 

Sometimes I think that I am not good enough to do this or that. And I am my own worse enemy for believing in these thoughts. 

I am struck with an overwhelming sadness however, when I hear young girls do the same. Because someone told them that girls could not do that, that society has made them believe that they are not good enough. 

Why would you want your kids to grow up in a world where they are taught not what their abilities are, or what their mind can achieve, but what society has deemed what they can and cannot do. 

When you go to a waterpark and girls as young as five years old are clutching their arms across their rounded stomachs. When sitting under a metal frame tent a six year old girl exclaims that she bets it was 'a men' who put it up because girls couldn't do it. 

At some point someone has to tell them that they are perfect, that their beauty and self-worth is not determined by what they see as their imperfections. And at some point someone has to stop and tell them that they can do whatever they set their minds to, that their ability is not dictated by their gender. 

And then maybe we'd have girls be girls again. Where body image is positive. Where we are free from the afflictions of what size of jeans we wear or how flat our stomach is. 

And then maybe it wouldn't be a question of whether or not a guy or a girl could do it, but 'who' could do it. And then maybe we would be living in a world of ability, that wasn't hindered by something as trivial as gender. 

This matter does not just affect girls either, I am fully aware of that, gender equality is not just a battle for women.

But if you see something like this in a mind that does not know the full extent of the effects that this thinking has on them, I beg of you to correct it. To tell them how wrong it is to think that way. And then maybe we can fix it. 

A Change in Name

It's been over three years since I started this blog. It seems so weird to think about. My sixteen year old self trying to muss up some kind of creative outlet, safe place, home.

I've been thinking about it for awhile, a change in name, that is. Something that reflected what I started out to do and what it has turned out to be. Something that could last. 

"And I will never forget the plans and the silhouettes you drew here" ~ Ben Howard

That is one of my most favourite images. 

I hope to never forget the plans and silhouettes I draw here. 

As much as this is me trying to figure out so many different feelings and figuring out how to live life, it's also a very real memoir, a living one. It's not often that I read over my posts, but when I do I gain a perspective of how far I've come and how so many things have changed since then. 

I hope to continue to write and to continue to figure this thing out.

And I guess if you are reading this now you would like me to as well.

So...here is to all of the plans and silhouettes I draw here. To all of the plans and silhouettes I have already laid out, to those unwritten, to those that I cannot yet find the words for, to those that I haven't even thought of, I hope never to forget any of them.

two a.m. goodnights

enveloped in everything that we remember, 

long drawn out conversations, 

life, friendship, love, the future,

I feel so close to you right now,

distance has shrunk,

time stands still and races forward,

a minute becomes an hour, 

reluctant realizations of tomorrow turned into today,

I’m in love,

with two a.m. goodnights.

Returning Home

And just like that a month has passed. 

It seems much longer than a month. It took a long time to get used to being at home. It was hard at first. Those first couple days were so disconcerting. I was glad I was done but so in shock at being home again as well. 

It's scary having a great expanse of time ahead of you and not knowing how you're going to come out of it. 

It's scary knowing that change is going to occur and not being able to control it. That when I go back to the city things will be different. 

Maybe I will be different. 

Maybe friendships will be different. 

And that's scary. 

You wouldn't think at first that four months could change a whole lot of things. But I knew that eight months changed more than a whole lot of things.

I think I am finally in a routine and rhythm not only in my time here but in the time I invest in keeping up with people and staying in touch as well. All in all it's become easier. 

My anxiety and stress and nostalgia and loneliness and sadness has just become a lot more manageable. And I'm no longer reliant on certain things to get me up in the morning. 

I'm trying to be wherever I am, and be all there. It's proven to be a lot more difficult then you would first expect. But it's helping. 

Coming up to a countdown of days till I return to the city I can't help but wonder amidst my excitement if this will set me back again or if it will rejuvenate me. It's a fair observation, but I'm looking forward to it too much to be put off or worry about the consequences too much. 

A reunion with my best friend, retail therapy, city therapy...it's all sounding like I'd be a fool if I passed it up. And so three days from now I will have three days to recharge my battery. To stock up on memories and Starbuck's runs and city life before returning back home. 

And I'm way too excited. 

And I will never forget the plans and the silhouettes you drew here...

How do you extract yourself from somewhere dark? How do you manage to tell yourself that everything will be okay? That despite the uncertainty and the monotony, that it'll be fine. 
How do you stop yourself from moping? How do you enjoy yourself when things don't go as planned? That despite the busyness and not being able to see the friends that make you the happiest, you go on. 

You just do. And it's hard. And it's a daily and momental choice. A choice to be happy, to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to choose to be what you want your situation to look like. To shape your circumstances and make the most of it. 

These last few weeks of school are going to be so busy. It's hard to imagine that we only have 16 more days left. September was yesterday, but it was also decades ago. I can see the person I was then and the person I am now, and they are light years apart. I would hardly recognize myself. I wouldn't take the late nights, the multitude of exams and essays, the Starbuck's runs, the afternoon adventures, the laughs, the cries, not anything back, to be that person again. Because I think I like whom I'm becoming. And I have experienced nothing but growth these past seven months. 

"And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter -- they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long."

I think sometimes things take you by surprise. And you catch yourself as you're pouring out your soul. And you catch yourself as you give them a piece of yourself. And there are several moments in the coming weeks where you get a little panicky because you don't know if you'll be able to go on without it. And there are so many hard moments, and really really good moments. And memories that will last a lifetime. And somehow the uncertainty of the future has disappeared and you're just living in the moment -- with them. 

And that is what I can take with me from this year. All of those times. With her. Because I will never forget the plans and the silhouettes you drew here.

And yes these coming weeks will be a whirlwind, and time will not be on our side, but it's a comfort to know that we did have these times and that we are only nineteen and that the summer is only four months and that next year will just be around the corner...

Pinterest Inspiration // 11

1. Gardenista 2. Nessa K 3. Unknown 4. Unknown 5. Vogue Beauty

Somehow I've made it through my first batch of midterms and essays, nothing worse for wear as far as I can tell...except perhaps my dishes are piling up which poses a problem when you want to have a cup of tea, or just one spoonful of ice cream. Not that that's what's happened here anyway...

What I'm trying to say I suppose is that I am in great need of some inspiration! Out with the books and psych terms and in with some sweet nothings!

1. My dorm room is quite drab I would say, I need to get on this temporary gallery wall idea. Nat! I think there's a photo-booth calling our name! And we should be all over that :)

2. Lately, Paris and London seem to be on my mind. I've been going through some of my blogposts where I've posted pictures of my trip last June, while listening to Ben Howard, that is basically a recipe for nostalgia! (P.S. you can too if you want, just click, here, here, here and here)

3. Monochrome? Yes. 

4. I've been thinking a lot about the future and people I love. I get sad thinking that I might have to say goodbye to them for what seems like ages, but will probably only be a moment in time. And I've noticed that they are the ones that "get it". They just do. And it's amazing. It's also terrifying thinking that they might be gone. What if I don't find anyone else that "gets it"?

5. My ideal red. I've been thinking of going red off and on for a long time now. This reading week just might be the time! Who knows!

A Little Bit More About Me...

Despite the fact that I have two essays to write and two midterms to be studying for, I could not resist the urge to write. Just for the sake of writing. Awhile back Bonjour Luce, did a post similar to this that I was myself inspired to do. So here is a little bit more about me...

City or Countryside? Countryside girl most days, City girl the rest of the time ;)
Cats or Dogs? No question. Dogs!
Sweet or Savoury? Sweet
Dresses or Jeans? Dresses
Heels or Flats? Flats
Beyonce or Taylor Swift? Taylor Swift
Tea or Coffee? Tea
Night or Morning? Night Owl
Summer or Winter? Fall!
Books or Magazines? Books

What is your favourite...?
City? Paris
Blogger? Meg Fee 
Movie? Pride & Prejudice (2005)
TV Show? Downton Abbey or New Girl
Nail Polish? Essie's 'Skirting the Issue'
Lipstick? Red!
Colour? To wear, Navy
Meal? Pancakes for supper!
Actor/Actress? Jennifer Lawrence and Felicity Jones
Singer Songwriter? Ben Howard and/or Andrew Belle
Band? Mumford & Sons
Weekend haunt? Strathcona Market and Whyte Ave. 
Year? Can I say this year? Because my 19th year has been pretty great so far!

What accomplishment are you most proud of?
I would say that I am most proud of my blog. Most of my posts I have put in so much time and effort into and poured my soul and creativity into. I love seeing how much I have grown as a person through this blog and how far I have come with my writing and my photography. It's been something that I can rely on to get me through a lot of hard times and stages in my life. Writing is so therapeutic and this blog has in a sense given me reason and motivation to write and to write some things that I am proud of.  

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Have I grown up already? I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. When I was in elementary I remember there was three things that I would list, Psychologist, Baker and Interior Decorator! Quite the spectrum haha

What are some things that scare you?
Right now, the future scares me. I don't know what I am doing or where it's taking me or where I want to go -- and that's scary. The future has always been somewhat scary as I've grown up, I think now more than ever however, I feel like I am supposed to be grown up and know what I am doing... and I really don't! When I was a kid though, dark hallways or staircases! Especially the staircase in my grandma's house haha

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
I am very much an introvert. There are only certain people in my life where I don't feel physically exhausted and drained from spending an extended period of time with them. I can be a pretty good mix of both though I think. 

What is your favourite thing about University?
I am in the beginning of my second semester and Uni has been good to me. My school is so small so the connection with your classmates and your professors are unparalleled to larger Universities. School-wise I love learning in general but one of my favourite subjects that has opened up my mind is Sociology. I love being able to stretch the way I think and realizing some of the influences of society on us as individuals has done just that. Also being an English junkie I love analyzing and discussing the literature that we read! One of my favourite things that's not school related is having adventures. I am lucky to have met some amazing people here and I can say one of my closest and dearest friend shares a love for adventures and photography. I love getting lost with her, it is always a good time! We took the pictures above on a little walk in the river valley by our campus right before a pizza/movie night! It was the perfect end to the week <3

H A P P Y * N E W * Y E A R

"But hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering 'it will be happier'..." 

~ Alfred Tennyson

We gather around loved ones and friends celebrating the passing year -- all of it's laughs, milestones, heartache, and fear -- and hope for the year to come to be happier. 

So many good and hard things this year. So many new experiences and dreams accomplished. And I am so grateful for all of these opportunities! 

This year I went to Europe for the first time, gazed at the Eiffel Tower, walked along the Thames, wandered through the winding roads of the Lake District and saw the sea for the very first time amoung the sand dunes on England's southern coast.

I moved away from home to go to school in the city, met some amazing people, went on loads of adventures, discovered a little bit more of myself and what a friend could be.

Each new experience has widened my horizons and increased my dreams. Even though it might not have steered me in a clear direction, I'm a little bit more made whole by it. 

Twenty-fourteen was good for me. 

Heres to the New Year!

IN THE ENDING...

It's started with nervous smiles and pounding hearts, fumbled textbooks and perfectly set up rooms, awkward first encounters and quiet classrooms.

It's been almost 14 wks. 

"The best advice I've ever received is, 'No one else knows what they're doing either." ~ Ricky Gervais

When it seems like everyone knows each other, everyone has their routine down, it's intimidating. For the first couple of weeks I had to remind myself that this was not the case. We're all just pretending. We're all just pretending to keep it together, to create an environment that we want to live in. 

I was so lucky to be able to find a friend that I connected with almost instantaneously.

The first time I met her I was terrified. I was enveloped in my own insecurities. And it seemed like she had it all together. Like she was someone who just knew who she was and that was intimidating for someone who felt like I did not have it all together.

I am being completely honest when I say that she is the best thing that has happened to me this first semester of my University experience. And I know that I am a better version of myself just in knowing her.

I think we both opened up a little bit more than we expected the first real talk we ever had. We took a lot of walks and wanders down in the river valley that fall. A lot of adventures downtown Edmonton. A lot of jam-sessions laying on the grass on campus or relaxing in Teg. A lot more talks. A lot more dreaming.

It's safe to say she is one of my favourites! I'm so thankful for her support and friendship.

One of the things about being an overly stressed out child -- who frankly gave herself panic attacks on the regular -- living in a household with a psychologist as a father and a mother who was always there to comfort you. You learn how to cope efficiently with a high amount of stress, even if most of it was self-induced. And know that it was just self-induced.

I think what I'm getting at here is that I was surprised how calm I was in situations that would have stressed me to the max when I was younger.

I learned to do everything in my power to do well and learn to know it was enough. And that doing my best was enough.

And I am so happy that University has been good to me. It's going to be so different next semester and it makes me equally as scared as I was at the beginning of this one. It's startling to find yourself so comfortable in a situation and have it upended from one moment to the next. 

Change is scary. Getting comfortable is hard. I hope I can get comfortable in a new normal in this next stage of University as fast as I did in the first. 

But now in this moment I am being fired at by a squad of professors -- in the form of Finals. And I am so ready for this Christmas break. 

Even though after all this time I am only a little bit closer to figuring out who I am. Even though I'm not any closer at figuring out who I want to be. 

I think I like who I am becoming. 

And in the ending, there is nervous laughter and pounding hearts, 

papers strewn across desks and terms floating around aimlessly in your head, 

sad goodbyes 

and quiet classrooms.

Pinterest Inspiration // 10

1.  Unknown 2. The Virtual Typewriter 3. Wide Eyed Legless 4. Purl Soho 5. Steve Madden 6. The Vanilla Bean Blog

1. The ultimate minimal, chill outfit and somehow still appearing stylish.

2. "I will learn to love the skies I'm under." Mumford & Sons need to bring out a new album a.s.a.p.!!

3. A cute mini low bun -- #hairgoals

4. I am starting to crochet a white and black scarf using People Webs pattern...I'm starting to wish I had this colour though.

5. I have yet to pick up a pair of boots for winter... I have been wearing flats or else my ever trusty moccasin booties. The snow will be upon us any second now and I should really be prepared. This Steve Madden pair is definitely on my wishlist!

6. Can we just appreciate the oozing chocolate from this perfectly presented chocolate cake...mhmmm...

* * *

School has been such a learning curve so far, I've figured that university is where you discover you suck at what you always thought you were good at, I'm hoping this is just a product of being out of practice. Hopefully I will do better for this next set of essays that are coming due all too fast. 

On another note if you haven't already checked out Ben Howard's new album "I Forget Where We Were," I would strongly advise you to do so at your earliest convenience, Ben has a knack for such poetical and soothing lyrics and songs, it's been on repeat almost everyday the past couple of weeks. 

Also Taylor Swift. (Don't judge.) 

All I need's a whisper...

^^ Exploring the neighbourhood ^^

^^ Strathcona Farmers Market ^^

^^ Muttart Conservatory ^^

^^ William Hawrelak Park ^^

Fall has come, softly, with only one snow scare. These pictures mark my first month of University. And it was a good one. The calm before the storm. Suddenly homework and studying have slowed down these little escapes. Soon snow and the threat of final exams will keep us holed in, dawning oversized "Thunder-wear", sipping tea with a side of Chicago Mix. 

I am so anxious to be getting home for Thanksgiving. I've had so many reasons to be happy and inspired and challenged this past month and a half, but I am so ready to go home. I need a chance to revitalize and recharge. I need to eat a meal that doesn't consist of bagels with a side of fruit. And I miss my family. Winter will be coming in like a lion before we know it and I have to be ready for it. 

I feel at home in the city when I am out going on these excursions with my friends, taking pictures and taking things as they come, being adventurous. I also feel slightly disconcerted thinking about my place in school and my studies. I love my courses but I don't feel like I could ever take them anywhere. I want to know so badly what I am supposed to be doing in this life. I want to so badly have some sort of direction. 

All I need's a whisper...

N I N E books to keep you busy this summer...

It is one of my deepest beliefs that a book can impact you in a way that cannot even be expressed, that it can take you to far off places and make you forget, or perhaps remember. A good book cannot always be judged by the quality of writing, or the maturity of the plot, or the morals that it portrays, but the feeling you get as it comes to a close, as you read the final paragraph. Sometimes a good book is fluffy, sometimes a good book is nostalgia incarnate, sometimes a good book is fanciful, sometimes a good book is thought provoking, these are nine of which, I would recommend, to do just that:

1. The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Following one fateful night involving a girl and a man on the hunt fallen victim to a marauding hound, the Baskervilles have since been plagued by a mysterious, supernatural black hound. Sherlock sends Watson out to the estate to investigate the case of the most recent death of the Baskervilles, that has brought forth the original superstition of such a hound. This is one of the great Sherlock Holmes' mystery's but, unlike most of Doyle's work, of primarily short stories, this is a novel.

2. Emma by Jane Austen
Emma Woodhouse is handsome, clever and rich, she is also quite spoiled. This is a tale of the perils of misconstrued love. Emma greatly overestimates her ability of matchmaking and doesn't quite understand the effects of meddling in peoples lives. A light comedy of love, friendship and misconceptions.

3. The Help by Kathryn Stockett
Based in the 1960's in Jackson, Mississippi, this is a story about African-American maids working and raising white kids. It is also about "Skeeter" an awkward young woman, who has come back from graduating college, and is trying to get a job as a journalist. This is a great book to get lost in.

4. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
A classic love story. Following Elizabeth Bennett, in the turn of the 19th century, as she deals with issues of manners, upbringing, marriage and morality. The story centres around Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, who appear to hate each other from the beginning, and Jane and Mr. Bingley, who adore each other from the beginning. Throwing in the mix, three ridiculous sisters and a mother equally so, this is an epic balance between pride, prejudice, silliness, marriage, money and all manners of social events.

5. Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery
An orphaned girl mistakenly brought home to the brother and sister pair, Matthew and Marilla, this story follows Anne as she grows up in the Cuthbert's household, at school and in the town. Anne is equally ridiculous, charming and captivating, she will hold your attention despite and due to her imagination. A light and humorous story to ease you back into reading. My favourites from the series of eight, are Anne of the Island, Anne of Windy Poplars and Anne's House of Dreams where she is grown up and sent off into the world, however it is necessary to start from the beginning of her story!

6. The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart
 Tells the story of four gifted children, Reynie Muldoon, Sticky Washington, Kate Wetherall, and Constance Contraire, as they are formed into the "Mysterious Benedict Society" and are sent to investigate a facility called L.I.V.E. (the Learning Institute for the Very Enlightened), run by the brilliant but evil Ledroptha Curtain. Another great, light read that is easy to get into.

7. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
A dystopian novel set in the country, Panem, consisting of the wealthy Capitol and twelve districts in varying degrees of poverty. Every year the Capitol holds the Hunger Games, where one boy and one girl from each district are selected at random and put in a man-made "arena" where they are to fight to the death -- only one victor will prevail. It follows Katniss Everdeen, who volunteers in place of her 12 year old sister, and Peeta Mellark from the same district, in their twisted love story to fight for their lives. Even if you are not a "fantasy" reader this story will captivate and transport you into a different world not-so-different from our own.

8. Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling
Harry Potter is eleven when he finds out he is a wizard, orphaned and living with his Aunt, Uncle and cousin Dudley, Harry is relieved with this knowledge, and against his guardian's will, sent to Hogwarts, the school of witchcraft and wizardry. It follows Harry and his two friends, Ron and Hermione as they face a potential come-back of the feared Lord Voldemort. The Harry Potter books are a classic and should be read at least once! (I believe I might have read all seven at least four times!)

9. Emily of New Moon by L. M. Montgomery
Emily Starr is a heroine with a love for the beauty in nature and art, loyalty to her friends, a thirst for knowledge, and a passionate dedication to her writing. She is also orphaned at a young age and sent off to her relatives, she quickly finds friends in the hired boy, Perry Miller, a slightly erratic and untamed Ilse Burnley and the quiet Teddy Kent. A classic coming of age novel, with two equally captivating sequels.

I think your summer is spent now, I believe every reader will be able to find at least one novel among these to enjoy. Let me know if you have read any of them before and your thoughts!