Oh the things you will do

One of the most exhilarating things about growing older is doing things you know would have scared you to death when you were younger. Or 2 years ago. Or 3 months ago. 

Not only knowing that you CAN do them but that you're actually pretty freaking capable of doing them. And that you're actually that much closer to being a real freaking adult. 

This semester has been one of so many firsts. One of so many moments where I decided I must go on despite my fears. 

For someone who's struggled with anxiety and depression doing even small things like getting out of bed and eating and showing up makes the things that are really only small things to other people like going to the school gym or doing that presentation or going to that interview, seem like really big accomplishments. And to know that you're capable of not only getting up, eating and showing up, but all these other things too? Priceless. To know that you are capable of so much more than your little mind as it lays through mornings of doubts and of deep lows could ever comprehend, is just so comforting. 

That someone who is frozen in fear and enveloped in the thoughts of all she cannot do, can in fact do a whole freaking whack-load of amazing and exhilarating things? That's pretty cool. That's almost adult-like there my friends. 

And sometimes you surprise yourself with fearlessness and sometimes you must continue on despite your fear. However, it doesn't ever diminish what little you did accomplish because the difference is you could not do that yesterday. So that moment of exhilaration and of completion and satisfaction is so so worth a little celebrating. 

So let's celebrate. Celebrate small accomplishments, fearlessness, courage in the face of fear and the art of becoming who we're supposed to be. Because that's all growing older really is, isn't it? 

Pinterest Inspiration // 12

1. @babeskills 2. Mark Appleton 3. Habitually Chic 4. @andicsinger 5. @lucidlines 6. Unknown

To say that this semester has been hard would be an understatement. 
Both personally and school-wise I do not think that I have ever been so drained. I am eternally grateful for friends that make it somehow more bearable.

There's something magical about this time of year in the city that makes my heart sing a little. The lights, the music, the hustle and bustle, gift-giving and decorations, it all just feels a little like a movie. But I have always been a romantic that way. 

I'm doing my best to try to soak all of it in, usually in-between study sessions and grocery runs (so romantic). 

I've been struggling with the notion of home lately. I think it is something that I have continually struggled with over my uni career, but it just seems as if some of the dynamics have shifted since then. It's not that unusual. Things change over time and I knew that. I guess I just thought they would change more on my own terms. But that's not really how things work is it?

I read a quote the other day that basically said, "we don't write to be understood, we write to understand" and I couldn't help but think that that perfectly sums up the feeling I get... It's somewhere in-between a tightening in my chest a sort of panicky restless feeling that only really goes away when I both feel like I understand what's been happening inside my head and when I feel like I've sufficiently wrote enough to be understood. But first and foremost it's for my own understanding. 

So if home is where the heart is I think I might be a little doomed. I don't know where my heart is half the time. It flickers back and forth between old and new, familiar and day-to-day, and I'm not sure if that makes me lost or just a wanderer. 

A wayfarer. 

It sounds romantic...I can assure you it's not all the time. 

It's exciting. It's displaced. It's comfortable and uncomfortable. It's content and unsatisfying. It's all these things separately and somehow all at once. 

What I do know is that this year has pretty much hit me with all that its got and I feel a little beaten down and a little exhausted and I'm not sure how much more I can take before things start to take a bitter turn as they are want to do. I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel here somewhere. Christmas break is near. But I'm starting to taste a bit of it's familiar acidity on my tongue. I'm trying to ignore it as best as I can and keep my head up. Mind over matter, you know? 

With that said here is a bit of inspiration for you, and me:

1. Hell yeah.
2. Doesn't London at Christmastime just sound wonderful to you?
3. The first snow.
4. I wish I could fill up my wrists with dainty bracelets, some pretty not-the-week-after-finals nails would be nice too.
5. Elegant? Dainty? Yes. Timeless? I don't know...I think I'd like to find out though.
6. Always a good idea.

A Little Bit More About Me...

Despite the fact that I have two essays to write and two midterms to be studying for, I could not resist the urge to write. Just for the sake of writing. Awhile back Bonjour Luce, did a post similar to this that I was myself inspired to do. So here is a little bit more about me...

City or Countryside? Countryside girl most days, City girl the rest of the time ;)
Cats or Dogs? No question. Dogs!
Sweet or Savoury? Sweet
Dresses or Jeans? Dresses
Heels or Flats? Flats
Beyonce or Taylor Swift? Taylor Swift
Tea or Coffee? Tea
Night or Morning? Night Owl
Summer or Winter? Fall!
Books or Magazines? Books

What is your favourite...?
City? Paris
Blogger? Meg Fee 
Movie? Pride & Prejudice (2005)
TV Show? Downton Abbey or New Girl
Nail Polish? Essie's 'Skirting the Issue'
Lipstick? Red!
Colour? To wear, Navy
Meal? Pancakes for supper!
Actor/Actress? Jennifer Lawrence and Felicity Jones
Singer Songwriter? Ben Howard and/or Andrew Belle
Band? Mumford & Sons
Weekend haunt? Strathcona Market and Whyte Ave. 
Year? Can I say this year? Because my 19th year has been pretty great so far!

What accomplishment are you most proud of?
I would say that I am most proud of my blog. Most of my posts I have put in so much time and effort into and poured my soul and creativity into. I love seeing how much I have grown as a person through this blog and how far I have come with my writing and my photography. It's been something that I can rely on to get me through a lot of hard times and stages in my life. Writing is so therapeutic and this blog has in a sense given me reason and motivation to write and to write some things that I am proud of.  

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Have I grown up already? I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. When I was in elementary I remember there was three things that I would list, Psychologist, Baker and Interior Decorator! Quite the spectrum haha

What are some things that scare you?
Right now, the future scares me. I don't know what I am doing or where it's taking me or where I want to go -- and that's scary. The future has always been somewhat scary as I've grown up, I think now more than ever however, I feel like I am supposed to be grown up and know what I am doing... and I really don't! When I was a kid though, dark hallways or staircases! Especially the staircase in my grandma's house haha

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
I am very much an introvert. There are only certain people in my life where I don't feel physically exhausted and drained from spending an extended period of time with them. I can be a pretty good mix of both though I think. 

What is your favourite thing about University?
I am in the beginning of my second semester and Uni has been good to me. My school is so small so the connection with your classmates and your professors are unparalleled to larger Universities. School-wise I love learning in general but one of my favourite subjects that has opened up my mind is Sociology. I love being able to stretch the way I think and realizing some of the influences of society on us as individuals has done just that. Also being an English junkie I love analyzing and discussing the literature that we read! One of my favourite things that's not school related is having adventures. I am lucky to have met some amazing people here and I can say one of my closest and dearest friend shares a love for adventures and photography. I love getting lost with her, it is always a good time! We took the pictures above on a little walk in the river valley by our campus right before a pizza/movie night! It was the perfect end to the week <3

H A P P Y * N E W * Y E A R

"But hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering 'it will be happier'..." 

~ Alfred Tennyson

We gather around loved ones and friends celebrating the passing year -- all of it's laughs, milestones, heartache, and fear -- and hope for the year to come to be happier. 

So many good and hard things this year. So many new experiences and dreams accomplished. And I am so grateful for all of these opportunities! 

This year I went to Europe for the first time, gazed at the Eiffel Tower, walked along the Thames, wandered through the winding roads of the Lake District and saw the sea for the very first time amoung the sand dunes on England's southern coast.

I moved away from home to go to school in the city, met some amazing people, went on loads of adventures, discovered a little bit more of myself and what a friend could be.

Each new experience has widened my horizons and increased my dreams. Even though it might not have steered me in a clear direction, I'm a little bit more made whole by it. 

Twenty-fourteen was good for me. 

Heres to the New Year!

Frosty

If one should ever wonder why I get depressed when they mention spring and warmth, this is undoubtedly why. Saturday morning I woke up {much earlier then I wanted to} in the livingroom of my Grandparents cabin, where the trees outside were covered in hoar frost, it was beautiful. 

We do have spring and summer in Northern Alberta, don't get me wrong, this winter was rather mild up north, we didn't have a white Christmas...we had a brown Christmas, all through January and February it was generally between -10 and 0. And we only ever got half a foot of snow at a time {compared to last winter where we got more than a couple of feet at a time}

I guess you just never know what to expect when you live in Canada, weather-wise anyway.

We had Friday off from school so me and my brother, Calder, and my Grandparents headed out to their cabin by the Lake to do some work. After I finished painting I went outside to cool off armed with my iPod and I snapped a couple of pictures. Believe me it looks colder then it was.

Next weekend 4 of my younger cousins are coming down to spend a couple of days at the cabin {sadly its supposed to warm up to at least +10, so ski-dooing will be out of the question...unless we would like to do more digging, then riding}

 When we first arrived Friday evening my Grandma and brother promptly went to check out some ice by the shore that looked like it froze mid wave, breaking off a chunk to melt for washing hands and dishes. Needless to say we had a good time, as one tends to have at the cabin :)