This is a problem.

I can't lie sometimes I am enveloped in all the things I cannot do. 

Sometimes I think that I am not good enough to do this or that. And I am my own worse enemy for believing in these thoughts. 

I am struck with an overwhelming sadness however, when I hear young girls do the same. Because someone told them that girls could not do that, that society has made them believe that they are not good enough. 

Why would you want your kids to grow up in a world where they are taught not what their abilities are, or what their mind can achieve, but what society has deemed what they can and cannot do. 

When you go to a waterpark and girls as young as five years old are clutching their arms across their rounded stomachs. When sitting under a metal frame tent a six year old girl exclaims that she bets it was 'a men' who put it up because girls couldn't do it. 

At some point someone has to tell them that they are perfect, that their beauty and self-worth is not determined by what they see as their imperfections. And at some point someone has to stop and tell them that they can do whatever they set their minds to, that their ability is not dictated by their gender. 

And then maybe we'd have girls be girls again. Where body image is positive. Where we are free from the afflictions of what size of jeans we wear or how flat our stomach is. 

And then maybe it wouldn't be a question of whether or not a guy or a girl could do it, but 'who' could do it. And then maybe we would be living in a world of ability, that wasn't hindered by something as trivial as gender. 

This matter does not just affect girls either, I am fully aware of that, gender equality is not just a battle for women.

But if you see something like this in a mind that does not know the full extent of the effects that this thinking has on them, I beg of you to correct it. To tell them how wrong it is to think that way. And then maybe we can fix it. 


A Change in Name

It's been over three years since I started this blog. It seems so weird to think about. My sixteen year old self trying to muss up some kind of creative outlet, safe place, home.

I've been thinking about it for awhile, a change in name, that is. Something that reflected what I started out to do and what it has turned out to be. Something that could last. 

"And I will never forget the plans and the silhouettes you drew here" ~ Ben Howard

That is one of my most favourite images. 

I hope to never forget the plans and silhouettes I draw here. 

As much as this is me trying to figure out so many different feelings and figuring out how to live life, it's also a very real memoir, a living one. It's not often that I read over my posts, but when I do I gain a perspective of how far I've come and how so many things have changed since then. 

I hope to continue to write and to continue to figure this thing out.

And I guess if you are reading this now you would like me to as well.

So...here is to all of the plans and silhouettes I draw here. To all of the plans and silhouettes I have already laid out, to those unwritten, to those that I cannot yet find the words for, to those that I haven't even thought of, I hope never to forget any of them.


two a.m. goodnights

enveloped in everything that we remember, 
long drawn out conversations, 
life, friendship, love, the future,
I feel so close to you right now,
distance has shrunk,
time stands still and races forward,
a minute becomes an hour, 
reluctant realizations of tomorrow turned into today,
I’m in love,
with two a.m. goodnights.