I’m surprised more than anything that this has happened so quickly. Five years ago I was 16, I’m pretty sure I had braces and thick black square glasses, I didn’t have a phone or a plan for any of this, just a camera and the drive to make something tangible. 

I still write and write often, and even if not all of it ends up on here, these essays that mark the passage of time are something that I know I will cherish. A small little window into the inner workings of my mind, and all of the lessons and all of the changes that have happened since my eleventh year of high school. 

If the next five years bears any resemblance to the last I know that I have not got a clue what is in store for me. That I can plan and hope and prepare, but this life is not predictable and at any moment there could be a new bend in the road. For now I am happy being here and soaking up all the lessons and experiences I can while in this moment. 

I honestly feel like somehow this marks a new chapter with these five years done and gone. Maybe it’s all of the change and new strides I’ve taken in the couple months of this year alone, but it feels a bit like a new beginning. And in the grand scheme of things, in building this life, there will be hard lessons learned in these next five years too, but I do know that the last five years has prepared in me someone who is fully capable of tackling whatever should come my way. 


Oh the things you will do

One of the most exhilarating things about growing older is doing things you know would have scared you to death when you were younger. Or 2 years ago. Or 3 months ago. 

Not only knowing that you CAN do them but that you're actually pretty freaking capable of doing them. And that you're actually that much closer to being a real freaking adult. 

This semester has been one of so many firsts. One of so many moments where I decided I must go on despite my fears. 

For someone who's struggled with anxiety and depression doing even small things like getting out of bed and eating and showing up makes the things that are really only small things to other people like going to the school gym or doing that presentation or going to that interview, seem like really big accomplishments. And to know that you're capable of not only getting up, eating and showing up, but all these other things too? Priceless. To know that you are capable of so much more than your little mind as it lays through mornings of doubts and of deep lows could ever comprehend, is just so comforting. 

That someone who is frozen in fear and enveloped in the thoughts of all she cannot do, can in fact do a whole freaking whack-load of amazing and exhilarating things? That's pretty cool. That's almost adult-like there my friends. 

And sometimes you surprise yourself with fearlessness and sometimes you must continue on despite your fear. However, it doesn't ever diminish what little you did accomplish because the difference is you could not do that yesterday. So that moment of exhilaration and of completion and satisfaction is so so worth a little celebrating. 

So let's celebrate. Celebrate small accomplishments, fearlessness, courage in the face of fear and the art of becoming who we're supposed to be. Because that's all growing older really is, isn't it?